


johnny boy

by negativenancy



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, M/M, Marriage, Sad, Songfic, Suicide, briefly mentioned, jenna is only, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 14:18:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8211530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/negativenancy/pseuds/negativenancy
Summary: how do you stop yourself from falling (in love)? tyler has limited options.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello im back  
> why is everything i write so sad  
> also this was in my drafts since august im sorry  
> // trigger warnings apply //  
> \- character suicide  
> as always please read with care due to sensitive topics  
> enjoy, and stay positive |-/

he comes home every few months and she's always there waiting for him and he loves her and she loves him, they're in love with each other.  
he wakes up each morning that he's home and she's always laying next to him, and he sees her and he knows her loves her, oh so much.  
he looks across the table at dinnertime each evening that he's home and sees her smiling back at him and he'll love her forever, he thinks.  
he wakes up in the nights that he's home with his disastrous mind until she finds him and holds him until his head is okay again, he loves her.  
he goes back on tour with his best friend, the world before their very eyes, ticking off their dreams like a shopping list, and he's away again.  
he misses her every time. 

one night he lays in his bed, and a thought passes over him that terrifies him to his very bones, washing over like a cold breeze. he pushes it away.  
the next night, the thought appears again, and he goes outside to watch the sky, seeing her in the stars, waiting for when he returns home. he feels better.  
on the third night, he knows he is insane but he cannot pass this off as insanity. he faces the back of the bunk in darkness, the thought reciting in his mind.  
the night after he denies insanity, he surrenders and allows himself to admit his thoughts as one he has created, and he doesn't sleep.  
on the fifth night, he acknowledges the fact that he has stopped missing her at night, and blames it on the lengthy tours as something he's gotten used to now.  
he doesn't miss her. 

he returns home again, and sleeps at his parents for a few nights to spend time together. he is faced with the feeling that he doesn't miss her.  
this time he's not touring. 

back on tour, his best friend is across the bunk, snoring lightly. he lays on his back staring at the ceiling, his disastrous mind at play. he copes alone.  
in the morning, he eats his cereal alone, until josh joins him. he smiles across the table, and josh smiles back. he is reminded of his wife, he loves her.  
in the night, josh is the last face he sees before he sleeps. the night after that, his best friend is in his dream, he wakes up with red cheeks.  
he hasn't missed her at all, and he feels guilt. but he also feels lighter somehow, the relief after a heavy rucksack is taken from your back.  
he calls her, and she is happy. it is the same as all their last phone calls, except this time he only sounds happy. he doesn't realise until night falls.  
is he happy?

one day he looks across at his best friend and his eyes have darkened, and his lips are wet. he doesn't realise his actions.  
one day he wakes from a dream about his best friend, and he doesn't feel guilty about it. but he does love his wife, of course, so much.  
one day his phone lights up, she is calling, but he looks across the breakfast table at josh. he mutes the call and she leaves a voicemail.  
one day he woke in the night, and he doesn't think about calling his wife. he wakes his best friend with a shaking voice and sleeps beside him.  
one day he picks up her phone call, and she asks what he's been up to. he tells her he's been busy writing. he decides he's allowed to have this lie.  
besides, he loves his wife. 

he knows he is tripping down when he stops sleeping in his own bunk. he shares with josh, who leaves him space even if he's not in there yet.  
he knows he is slipping down when he declines most of her phone calls, and stops texting her before he goes to bed, next to his best friend.  
he knows his is falling down when he stops thinking of his wife when he sits across from his best friend at breakfast and dinner, all smiles.  
he knows he is collapsing down when he loves his wife, but he doesn't know if he is in love any more. he is perfectly qualified to love her.  
he knows he has landed when he wakes up next to his best friend, and feels the same way in his body and mind as when he used to wake up beside her.  
he lies to her again, but its alright. 

he is falling in love, he knows its enough but he can't shake the feeling of discomfort. he cannot fall in love, he cannot crash and tumble and burn.  
his mind is shouting him names that make him feel shame, and he doesn't want to be in love anymore. he doesn't believe he deserves that feeling.  
he is falling in love and he cant stop falling and he keeps tumbling so he locks the door and gives in to the cravings and moans under the hot shower.  
no one really knows his mind and he's never been more grateful because his brain is sick and he's cheating his wife whom he doesn't love anymore.  
his mind wont stop and he feels the people around him frown down, he feels the entire world frowning down and he is pushed further down. 

get up, get up, get up. he knows he must get up and brush himself down and rid himself of the dirt and filth he carries but he is falling in love.  
get up, get up, he lies but its alright, he's done it enough times that he deserves an award. he never really told a lie, just never really told his wife.  
get up, he's on the ground. his best friend is awake facing him across the pillow and he knows he can commit himself to more lies, so he leans across.  
if it could feel like you were slipping through the ground, thats how he felt. the heat of the fire in the earth surrounded him and every touch.  
he doesn't want to say a word, but josh speaks, and he doesn't want to reply, so he tells another lie. but its alright, he's in love and qualified. 

the world wont stop frowning, he thinks that their forehead will split in half one day. 

he loves his wife, but he's in love with his best friend. he blames it on the times, the coincidences and circumstances and more big words.  
he's qualified to love his wife, and now he's qualified to lie. his wife sleeps alone at home while he lays beside josh in a small bunk with swollen lips.  
he's in love with his best friend and his best friend is in love with him too. his wife is calling his phone but he cant hear it over the moans and whimpers.  
he knows what he is doing is wrong but it feels like the only thing he knows and he cant let go because its now all he wants. he cant get up.

he wakes up one morning and hears the world screaming around him.  
fall, fall, falling down and he crashes at the bottom.  
its so wrong and he cant bring himself to tell the truth to his wife.  
he kisses his best friend before he rolls over and falls back to sleep. 

josh wakes him up with a gentle shake. his wife used to do that.  
he can feel their frowns on him as he smiles up at his best friend.  
the soundcheck is over, the show is over, they're back on the bus.  
"we need you, tyler." 

he wakes again, but this time, with purpose and aims.  
he kisses his best friend one last time before he gathers his socks and shoes and jacket.  
he texts his wife, but he never tells the truth, and the world frowns again.  
he leaves a note for his best friend, but he never lies, and the world frowns once more. 

the trees surrounding him swallow up the darkness and smother him.  
a suffocating feeling, but he needs it. he's done so much wrong.  
he decides to walk, senses in override with crunches of twigs and the scent of dirt.  
"they all know you're qualified, tyler."

he has fallen in love. 

he reaches the end of the forest, and walks further, hearing the motors of cars.  
the city is in sight and he looks back at the trees he left his best friend behind, his wife.  
someone said "where are you going?" and someone said to him "goodbye"  
foot in front of the other, he reaches the bridge above the river, cars behind him.  
the edge of his vans curl over the edge of the ledge, and the wind rushes.  
he had fallen in love, and it was enough.  
now, it was time to fall again.  
he was promised a reward on the other side, but his mind and fingers are numb and he cant think and so he forgets.  
the cold air glides through his hair and between his fingers, the force pushing his eyes shut. 

he forgot his best friend, who he was in love with, and who was waking up at the moment that tyler was leaving.  
his best friend leans into the warm space on the bed, and frowns.  
his best friend climbs out of bed and notices tylers missing clothes.  
his best friend reads the note, but tyler has already taken his place in the stars. 

no one ever knew his mind, and now the world has left him lying on the ground.  
tyler can see and he can remember, and the world has fooled him.  
his reward had always been right beside him, but now he must observe from above.  
"you're my pride and joy."


End file.
